They're spats. I wear spats now. Spats are cool.

I'm not going to say I have too many pairs of shoes as, not only would that be physically impossible but that would also give far too much power to my father and brother, who seem to think three pairs is enough.  All they seem to require is a smart pair for work and other stuff which requires you to be both physically and mentally smart, a pair of trainers for the weekend and training (or if you are reading this in America a pair of sneakers for... sneaking?) and an optional posh pair for use with a suit and events which require you to pretend to be posh.   Now for some, perhaps even most men, I am sure this is enough.  However, for your average girl this is not enough.  What my male relatives don't seem to grasp is that girls don't buy shoes to match events, girls buy shoes to match outfits... which are initially purchased for an event.  As you can imagine this is what leads to a storage predicament.  Well I have the answer to all you shoe fanatics!  The answer is spats.  Spats are perhaps one of the greatest inventions.  Ever.  Perhaps storing the copious amounts of shoes necessary in daily life is just a girl problem, although in this world of the metro-sexual I can only assume it is a common issue which affects many men as well.  Now just take a moment to consider how much easier it would be to store varying amounts of cloth.  A spat can transform any pair of shoes instantly... well instantly once you have got the hang of putting them on.  This means the more spats you buy the more styles of shoes you have.
To conclude this is Rosencrantz instructing you never to be afraid of a good spat.

Please ignore the housekeeping

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I have a dream...

Art provided by printsregent.blogspot.com

Well strictly speaking that should be I had a dream... or even dream(s).  Recently I dreamt I was a contestant on 'Dancing on Ice' and throughout the live show was unable to keep my ice-skates on my feet.  To some this may seem comical but instead I awoke full of mind-numbing fear.  Perhaps I should have informed you that, apparently, I have a phobia of dancing in public and what is quite possibly more disturbing is that this dream was one of many.  Previous dreams have included my appearance on 'Strictly Come Dancing' and perhaps most spectacularly Guildenstern and myself performing the routine from the music video for OK Go's 'Here It Goes Again' on 'Let's Dance For Comic Relief'.  I have a feeling a fear such as this may make the forth coming freshers events, for a virtual teetotaler such as myself, into a representation of 'The Battle of Jericho' in which I will have to put my complete faith into those who have done their up most to convince me that I will have fun.  So "Go blow those rave whistles, Rosencrantz cries / 'Cause the battle is in my hands."

Episode_001_Absolute Beginners

In the first episode of 'A is for Anarchy' Rosencrantz and Guildenstern ponder social injustice, the quality of local news reports and the boundaries between fiction and reality... It isn't as boring as it sounds.  Honest.